Not a Raptors Fan


It's not often that I mention sports. Although I was one heck of an athlete in my youth, these days arthritis prevents me from exercising vigorously. I've never been much of a sports fan, save for hockey--and I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Canadiens fan.

Now, unless you've been underground these past two months, it seems that Canada's sole entry in the NBA--the Toronto Raptors--are currently fighting for an NBA championship. While I think the odds are stacked against them, I think it would be a fitting in-your-face for the 'foreign' team to steal basketball's ultimate prize.

That said, I am not, and will never be, a Raptors fan. At approximately knee-high to a grasshopper, basketball is not a sport I can relate to. Took it in high school; was already short; sucked. End of story. The look and feel of the game, the rhythms of play, the particular rituals---they just don't appeal to me.

Hockey, improbably, is my favourite sport. I'm sure part of that is sustained by patriotism; but I just enjoy watching hockey. For the NHL alone, I can name all of the teams, and the divisions in which they play.

I've tried watching other sports, with limited results. Canadian Football was fun--in the 1970s and 1980s, when players tended to stick around, and there was a stronger sense of community. Today, they're just all NFL third-stringers--no thanks. Baseball is like a life-sized board game. Who wants to watch D&D? Not me!

Although I was heavily into golfing about 40 years ago, I can't stand watching it; it's like an hours-long opinion column, with occasional shots from the green. Maybe if they had a hockey game going on in an inset screen. Lacrosse is cool, but there's nowhere near enough of it. I was wicked in track, in high school, and still enjoy watching it.

But of all the sports, it is to basketball that I can least relate.

It was recently suggested to me that I'm being unpatriotic by not cheering for the Raptors. My answer to that was seven letters long, ending in "-you!" After decades of tying patriotism to hockey, one year our basketball team makes a breakthrough, and everything changes? How hypocritical!

Hey, if they win it, good on them. But you will excuse me from the celebrations in the street; because nothing spells poser more strongly than some johnny-come-lately fan, dancing in the streets for a team they didn't give a rat's ass about, two months ago.

It must be noted, too, that all of you bandwagon fans must be pretty annoying to long-term raptors fanatics, who know that in four months' time you'll be screaming yourself hoarse for the Leafs, the Raptors forgotten and relegated to some future garage-sale items in your closet. Where were you, they will--rightly--point out, when times were tough, when the team was building? And where have you gone, now that the excitement is over?

I know when my team is doing well in the playoffs, there's always some yahoo who will suggest that they are "Canada's Team." Which really grates on the anti-french knuckle-draggers out there. And grates on the nerves of the true fans, who were doing just fine without your help, thank you very much.

So, I'm going to continue not to be a Raptors fan, and you are going to respect that. You, go cheer for whomever you want; just don't try to force it on me.